Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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