all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
