we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
