Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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