Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
