I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
