I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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