Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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