Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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