Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
