I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
