Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
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