I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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