Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize