i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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