Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
