he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just blew my weed a kiss
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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