i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
