I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
tell me about the fingering
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
