YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
