he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
