Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
