She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
