So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize