Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Randomize
