you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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