remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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