Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
