i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
