My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
