I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
