so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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