It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you inspire me to be a worse person
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
