i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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