He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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