All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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