I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
