Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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