Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm jealous of your bromance
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize