it wasn't lemon gatorade
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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