I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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