By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
