my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
