Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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