A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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