There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
