Yo dont text me then not text me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
