If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I touched a dick in church today
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