You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
