big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
