every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
