I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
