I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
