they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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