They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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