i don't like sucking hair
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
