i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
