Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
