I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
