Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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