Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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