then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
