I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
