brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
