I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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