I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
