i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
