The maid of honor just puked.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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