And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
