In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
