So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
